Stay there until...

From my journal, 3.17.2010

I love it when I hear a direct word from the Lord, even when it is not what I want to hear.

This morning in my quiet listening and singing time I was praying and thinking again about a mission trip for this year. My hopes were raised again Sunday night about the possibility of going to Mazatlan, but then quickly died Monday morning. I have been so jealous for the Monday group over India and Michelle announcing her intent to go ~ all the new excitement, scared feelings that always come when a new adventure is presented. So jealous of all the girls and guys going to Africa ~ not that I feel He is calling me to either place, but just the excitement of going.

However, every time I pray about it, I keep hearing, "The elementary school is your mission field." Since starting up our Moms In Touch group I have developed a love and passion for the teachers and kids there and love the opportunity to pray for them. I just wish I knew them all better.


Ding - ding - ding!!

Flash back to other mission trips -- Thailand was a crystal clear call from the Lord, Mazatlan was not. I struggled until the week before we left as to if I was even to go or not, not having ever felt "the call". However, once I was there and throughout the trip I realized my main job was as a pray-er and thoroughly loved that job. Angela gave me a great little prayer card that had specific prayers to pray for people.

After returning home I realized I could use those prayers any where ~ grocery store, school, church -- like a secret weapon for people who didn't even know! I was talking with Sandy one time and she was sharing about their mission field being their child's football team. I commented on how much harder it must be to be "on mission" on your home turf. But she reminded me that that way people could see that you can be in the world and not of the world. They see your human side and Jesus in you too.

Back to my Word ---

This morning as I was listening and praying I was just praying God would reveal to me if and where and when I should go, and I got my standard answer, "I've already told you." But my stubborn self was still, "Yea, but...." So when I went to open my precious Streams in the Desert here is what grabbed me right up --

"I'll stay where you've put me; I will dear Lord,
Though I wanted so badly to go..."

thus begins a poem that I could have written myself. I have now accepted my assignment from Him. The final bit from Streams today --

"Oh, restless heart, that beats against your prison bars of circumstances, yearning for a wider sphere of usefulness, leave God to order all your days. Patience and trust, in the dullness of the routine of life, will be the best preparation for a courageous bearing of the tug and strain of the larger opportunity which God may some time send you."

It doesn't mean I'll never get to go out of the country again, it means not now.

SO ---

2007 - Full introduced to and developed relationship with Angela who, through Jesus, opened my eyes so much more to Jesus and missions. Felt clear call to go to Thailand.

2008 - Continued developing prayer + Bible study + worship experiences with Angela, Joel, Debbie, Teresa, others... Thailand - eyes opened to situations around the world and the sacrifices people like you and me make for the Lord; discovered the joy of helping and serving them. Developed new passions for helping others.

2009 - Continued developing prayer, worship with Angela, Deb, Jennifer, and others; open to where God would lead, no clear answer for many months. Never got a clear answer till summer ~ Mazatlan ~ even then not ever truly clear until a week before leave. Amazing, amazing time with the team, completely different than Thailand, but good in a different way. Realized the major importance of prayer for situations and people. Much deeper and more important that I ever imagined. All this time I now see how God has been working this out in my life to get me where I need to be NOW. Started MiTi group and developed passion for teachers and kids at elementary school.

2010 - Passion grows stronger to reach teachers to meet their needs, whatever it may be.

But yet, I still want to go -- use my passport for Jesus. Take Rebecca to Mazatlan. This year.

3.17.10 - After pouring out my heart to Jesus, I get a clear, no question about it, black and white answer -- Matthew 2:13 - "Stay there until I tell you...."